Which Day of Christmas Is The Taco Party?

Which Day of Christmas Is The Taco Party?

Credit: @Casey Brown

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love said to me… okay it wasn’t the 12th and actually I said it to her, but details or whatever…

“Do you want to have a taco party?”

She said yes. No one says no to a taco party.

Actually, let’s make it a taco party with millennials and gingerbread houses.

A competition!

Guess who won?

Spoiler alert: it was Roozle. She put a pool in the front yard. With sour patch neighbor kids swimming in it. Maybe her generation will be called the overachievers.

Taco party sponsored by Qdoba, all millennials and gingerbread pools are mine. Or Roozle’s. You know what I mean.

Qdoba caters things like this and provides everything (even the fancy little gas things to put under the taco fillings!) and was super easy to order, pick up, and serve. Thanks for taking such good care of us.

Happy taco party!

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I Learned How To Get Up Early And It Solved All My Problems

I Learned How To Get Up Early And It Solved All My Problems

This post is sponsored by Med-IQ and supported by an educational grant by Teva Pharmaceuticals.

A few months ago, I started working with Med-IQ and started looking more carefully at the headaches and migraines that have plagued me since I was a kid. First, I learned that I’ve been taking way too much over-the-counter headache medicine. Taking any headache medication for more than 2 days a week, every week is too much. Cutting way back on that made me realize I need to figure out how to get less of these headaches since I couldn’t rely on mountains of ibuprofen anymore. Because nearly all my headaches are accompanied by tension in my shoulders and neck, I decided to start by looking at the stress in my life.

So I did a stress audit.

Work? It’s fine. Relationship? Better than ever (how annoying, right? I KNOW). Single parenting? Hard, rewarding, loud, delightful, very fun. Sleep? Not too bad with some short nights and some longer make-up nights, but overall pretty reasonable. I don’t watch tv, I keep the house pretty clean, I drink enough water, my laundry pile isn’t too high, I have really great friends, I talk to my mom at least once a day. Everything is fine. Except for one thing… mornings.

Oh no.

Mornings were the only thing that didn’t align with the general contentment I have for all other areas of my life. Why? BECAUSE MORNINGS ARE AWFUL. It turns out, I’ve been starting nearly every day of every week in a total panic. I set the alarm the night before, then snoozed it 3 (or 20) times. By the time I was out of bed, I was already late and therefore overwhelmed and everything was awful. The kid won’t get up! Why is the kitchen a mess? There’s no coffee! The dogs are barking at me for all the things! Oh great now I’m yelling at people! And they’re yelling back!


Even though I am generally the happiest person I know (again, I know, so annoying), my mornings were so stressful, they were leading off my day and a huge cause of my end of week headaches.

Pro-tip: if you’re getting headaches at the end of the week every week, something in your week is causing them. It only took me all the years to figure that one out.

To solve my morning problem, it took just two changes: I stopped snoozing my alarm and simplified my mornings.

Snoozing was creating a cycle of fighting with my alarm and fighting with myself, which then made me fight with the whole morning. Simplifying my morning was a little more complicated as it required looking ahead the night before. Preparing the night before is hard. I’ve tried and failed and failed again. Each time I made a list, got overwhelmed, and did a whole lot of nothing. Because the last thing I need at the end of the day is another overwhelming list of things to do. This time had to be different.

Instead of what do I need to do, I think, what can I do right now to make tomorrow easier? I often end up doing all the same things, but because I want to help myself, not because I have to. That slight shift changed everything. I try to make coffee ahead, I try to make lunches, I try to spend some extra time getting the kitchen ready. And sometimes I only get some of it done. And that’s fine because a little bit still helps.

With that, I eliminated the greatest source of stress in my week. I also had more time for walking the dogs, therefore increasing my morning exercise and fresh air, I have more time for making breakfast and lunch, so I’m eating better, and because I’m up so early, I’m getting better at getting regular sleep. All of this means less stress and LESS HEADACHES.

Getting up early didn’t really solve all my problems, but stress makes hard things harder. Stress even makes easy things hard. Stress disrupts our ability to take good care of ourselves and our kids and our rotten dogs. Make yourself a priority when you can. Even when your kid listens to that one Miley Cyrus song on repeat for two weeks and “can’t find” her headphones. But that might be a different kind of headache for a different day.

If you suffer from headaches like I do, remember to manage your own health despite your stress, maybe releasing some of the stress in the process. Take this survey to be entered to win a $100 Visa gift card because prizes make everything better.

This post is sponsored and I was compensated to write this blog post. It is sponsored by Med-IQ and supported by an educational grant by Teva Pharmaceuticals. All opinions and stories and horrific headaches are mine.

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17 Years Later, I’m Still Coming Out

17 Years Later, I’m Still Coming Out

Two years ago, I wrote I’m not a boy, but I’m not a girl either. Because it’s National Coming Out Day. Because coming out matters. Because telling my story makes room for kids to tell their stories. For allies to hear the stories that make us human. And believing that we’re human, that we matter, is what keeps us safe. It keeps people from voting against us. It helps people stand up for us. Or at least that’s the hope I like to hold on to.

I’ve been coming out for 17 years. I thought it would get easier, but it doesn’t. For all the voices of support, there are the louder ones that echo. That I’m not enough. That I’m too complicated. That I’m a burden. That I just want attention.

And being a gender nonconforming trans person, I get a lot of attention. I get invasive body searches at airports that leave me hysterical, gasping for breath through tears. I get stared at and questioned in public. I get yelled at and followed and misgendered and embarrassed. I get so much attention.

I don’t want attention. I just want some room.

You get to grow and change and are encouraged to be yourself. You’re told you can be anything you want. You can follow your dreams. You get to think hard and talk so much about who you are and what you want to be. It’s not political. It’s life. It’s some kind of journey. What about my journey?

I’m coming out of the struggle to fit in a gender binary that didn’t have enough room for me. I’m coming out of the restrictions of language and expectations. I’m coming out of something that never worked and felt like trash and oh my god I’m finally free. I wish you could celebrate with me instead of debating the grammatical rules of the pronouns I use. I wish you would celebrate with me instead of questioning why I need to make it so difficult.

I’m coming out because this gender binary cannot work for everyone. Just like good and bad has a whole lot in the middle. And that middle place? That’s where the beauty is. It’s always in the middle. Right between right and wrong and light and dark and this and that.

I’m coming out because it’s hard to be misgendered. Because if you’re a woman and I call you a man, you’d be horrified. But you can call me whatever you want, because of convenience. Because it’s too complicated to use a different pronoun or different words for me. Even though you use singular they all the time for people you don’t even know (listen to the way to you yell at strangers in traffic for an example, “they didn’t even use a blinker!” is a good place to start). Because you’d rather argue grammar or make it my problem for complicating your vocabulary than see that this is something I need. This isn’t asking too much.

I’m coming out with some kind of gender math of this body and weekly shots of testosterone and how together it somehow equals neither this nor that and goodness it’s been exhausting running from this body. This isn’t a transition from one to another but more of a settling in to right here. Where you are is where you are.

I’m coming out because trans kids are in trouble. Suicide rates are too high. Trans kids are scared and hurting and we have a responsibility to keep them not just alive but happy and fulfilled and everything every kid deserves.

I’m coming out because the evangelicals are waging a war against trans people and we need help. Trans rights are truly human rights and shouldn’t be up for a vote or some kind of political bargain. We are human beings. It shouldn’t be this hard.

I’m coming out because kids like me need to know we’re not a burden. We’re not too complicated. We’re not in this for some kind of attention. I’m coming out because there’s nothing wrong with us. We’re okay. I’m coming out because I’m done with expectations that none of us are really any good at.

I’m coming out because my parents taught me that I could do anything and be anything. I’m choosing to be me.

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Listen Up, It’s Story Time

Listen Up, It’s Story Time

Me: Riley, do you like screen time?
Roozle: Kind of. When I do have screens I like it because I get to watch my YouTube videos and I like crafts but when I don’t have screens I like it because I get to hang out with you and read my books and I get to have more time with my family.

Me: Do you think that screens make you not have time with your family?
Roozle: When you’re like working and you’re in the other room while I’m watching screens, it feels like I’m far away from you and I’m alone, but when I don’t have screens, I feel more close to you.

Me: What things do you like to do together?
Roozle: I like to go to JP Licks for ice cream, I like to play games with you, I like to go swimming, and I like to eat dinner with you.

Me: Do you know what I like to do with you?
Roozle: No.

Me: I like to listen to stories. Do you like to listen to stories?
Roozle: Yeah!

Me: What did you think about the story we listened to last week about the man who felt a little bit squished in his house?
Roozle: I liked the story, even though I had already heard it before. I liked to listen to the story with you.

Me: I liked that too, that it was another way for us to spend some time together. I really liked the voices and the way they told the story. It was interesting even for this boring grown up. And I like that sometimes we know the stories, but that they’re told in a different way. Like with fairy tales.
Roozle: Yeah, I like that too. I love fairy tales.

Me: So right now, we’re about to listen to this week’s story which is about a dragon, I think. Are you excited?
Roozle: I am excited because I’ve never heard this story before and I want to know what happens.

Me: Do you think it’s going to be scary?
Roozle: I think Stella is a nice name so it won’t be scary and this is a story for children.

Me: Well, in case it gets scary, I’m glad we’re listening together. Is this something you want to do every week?
Roozle: YEAH! Because I like to listen to stories!

Me: Yeah, me too. And I like to have a routine during the week so we know what to expect each day. Like, on Tuesdays, we go swimming. On Wednesdays, we go to the library.
Roozle: And now on Tuesdays, we listen to stories!

You can listen to Circle Round episodes here and on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can also find Circle Round on Facebook and Twitter.

Image credit: WBUR’s Circle Round

SPOILER ALERT WE LISTENED TO THE STORY AND TALKED ABOUT IT. Note: the stories come with questions after to initiate conversation, but it was bedtime and we were tired so we went with “What was your favorite part?” which is also my trick question to see how much she was listening.

Me: What was your favorite part of the story?
Roozle: My favorite part was when Stella said that was so powerful and that she could lift the boulder. But she actually couldn’t so she tricked the dragon by saying that if she threw the boulder it might hit the moon and then she said that maybe all the pieces would come flying straight for them and the dragon got scared. And then the dragon told her not to throw it because he was scared.


Me: Was that a surprise that the scary dragon was the scared one?
Roozle: Yeah!
Me: I was surprised by that too.

Me: Are you excited about next week?
Roozle: I’m excited about next week because I had never heard that story before and I’m excited to find out what the story is!

Me: Until next Tuesday, Roozle.
Roozle: Until next Tuesday, Apa!

New stories come out every Tuesday, and we’re way too excited to wait, so we’ve picked Tuesdays as our Circle Round days, but subscribing to the podcast means you can listen whenever you want. The stories are from 5-20 minutes and include all kinds of famous people my kid totally doesn’t care about, but OMG I DO. And since we’re trying to listen to them together, that matters a lot. And bonus points? THEY HAVEN’T USED ANY GENDERED PARENT LANGUAGE SO FAR! WE ARE VERY EXCITED. 

This post is sponsored by WBUR’s new podcast Circle Round for kids and their grownups, where “story time happens all the time.” Opinions are mine, and Roozle’s. We have so many opinions. You’re never too old or young for a good story.

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Parenting Is Better With Friends

Parenting Is Better With Friends

I started talking with my kid about alcohol responsibility a long time ago. She was little. It was easy. Because we started with the basics. What is alcohol? What does it do? What are the rules? And then she got older. Now, this new third grader has different questions. Now sometimes these conversations are a bit more complicated. Sometimes she pushes back and the things that were so easy feel like some kind of stand off (the kind with fancy high tops, the best kind, really).

Now she has the ability to see herself a bit beyond where she is now and wonders what kinds of decisions she will make as a teenager or a college student. And sometimes our conversations are better with a little guidance from friends who have been there done that. Just like learning how to wash cloth diapers or figure out the best lunch box to buy for tiny kindergarten fingers to open.

So I asked my friends. Do you drink in front of your kids? And no surprise here, my friends had a lot of good stuff to say.

And what about the times we get it wrong? What about talking with older kids? Do we tell them when we’ve made a mistake? Do we point out when those around us get it wrong?

Thankfully, we don’t have to get this all right on our own. We get to learn from our friends. We get to teach our kids from our own mistakes. We get to do better next time. We get to keep learning what responsibility looks like from all the different angles. And always, we get to keep talking. Talk about the easy things, talk about the hard things. Keep talking, keep listening. Talk with your friends, talk with your kids, all the talking all the time.

This post is sponsored by Responsibility.org. Thank you to all my lovely friends for your willingness to tell your stories to my phone camera. 

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