Sometimes I want to write “Dear Self, what on earth is wrong with you?!” but I found a better way.
She asked if the notes app was just to write to ourselves. Then she wrote to herself. About love. Because Roozle.
I write to myself a lot, too. Ideas, lists, quotes, things I’m doing wrong, things I want to do right, ways I can be better, what I need to work on, and of course lots of song lyric haiku. Always with the haiku.
I’ve been reading about meditation (again, as usual) and was reminded to notice a bit more. Instead of writing about how I need to work on my obsessions or better yet, obsessing about a plan to overcome my obsessions and anxieties…
I decided to take note in the moment.
I made a small pen mark on my arm with each flood of panic and overwhelm throughout the day. I greeted the mark with compassion, not judgement. That part was hard. But greeting the mark that represented the anxiety gave enough space that it got easier with each mark. And there were a lot of marks. Life is hard.
I drew a small heart in the same area with every flood of love and omg I love everything throughout the day, too. So the obsessions wouldn’t get lonely. And because I really do love everything so much.
Then I took a shower before bed, thanked the marks for the insight, compassion, and experience, and washed it all away.
Tomorrow, I’ll start over.
In it all, I figured out exactly what’s wrong with me. I’m human and life is confusing, fast, and hard. Facing that with compassion brings us closer to the beauty. Or at least gives us some little drawn hearts so the obsessions don’t get lonely. Either way, I’ll take it.