Mommy, are you a boy? (on


Gender and identity are tricky. It’s hard to figure out for ourselves and hard to find the right language to talk to each other about it. We often get it wrong. My own identity is continually changing, expanding, growing, as I do. As I learn more. As I try to figure it all out. Kids are figuring this hard stuff of gender and identity out too.

“Are you a boy?” she asked, knowing that I’m not her dad. Knowing that I’m her mom, so I must be a girl, but what she’s really asking is, “Why are you different?” Because I am different. Both of her moms are different than most of the other women she knows and certainly different than all the princess she knows so well.

Sorry kid, your moms aren’t Disney princesses, that’s for sure.

So how do two butch lesbians raise a super fancy little girl? How do we find the language for all of this that we still don’t always quite know ourselves? We’re working on it. I wrote about it this week on

We totally prepared our daughter to have two moms, but she didn’t necessarily feel prepared to have two moms who look like us. We don’t look like Disney princesses. In fact, we look a bit more like the prince. Especially if the prince is wearing Converse high tops, skinny jeans, and a hoodie.

“No, I’m not a boy. Do you think I am?”

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Author: Casey

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