She didn’t want me to leave for work this morning. Instead of getting a hug and kiss goodbye, I had to negotiate my way out the door. This afternoon, I handed over a check for after school care. She will be going two days a week now. She’s been begging for it and I need more time. So there we are. I’m feeling guilty and awful about it. Because I technically can be with her every day, but I’m doing too much in not enough time and the overwhelm is big. I guess a less overwhelmed parent for fewer days is better? Feel free to comment and say yes on this one. I’m sure it’s fine. Of course it’s fine. But somehow I’m feeling like I’m doing this wrong. I guess that’s part of being a parent. Certainly part of being a working parent.
You would think the epic tantrum on the way home would make me feel better about it all, but it didn’t. I want to be there when my child feels least in control (and oh did she ever with this one). I want to be the one to work through it with her and get her to the other side (a few minutes of sleep, a peanut butter sandwich, and helping me bake granola bars did the trick). Unfortunately, I can’t be in all the places at the same time. And I do need to sleep at night. So here we are.
Of course Roozle is so excited she could burst. She’s been begging me to let her stay at after school since the beginning. She’s counting the days. It’ll be fine. It’ll probably even be good. It’s only two days a week.
I know this is really about me, as so much of parenting is. I planned and figured and tried so hard to work all of this out. Having to change that plan feels a bit like that plan failed, though it didn’t. I know that. But still. But still.
This post is a part of Just Write. Because writing rules.