When The Dream Becomes Reality
As a full time out of the home working parent, I’ve been dreaming of this fall for a long time. More time with Roozle! More time for adventures! And cooking! And reading! And all the things! I’m realizing more with each day that goes by, it’s really just more time for parenting. Sometimes parenting is an adventure. And other times parenting is just exhausting. Especially with a kid who just spent all day at school with new rules and new stuff and omg head exploding. Sometimes I’m exhausted by the time I’ve convinced her to get in the car.
I don’t think I’m alone in this dream though. I think lots of us working in office parents imagine that things would be different and somehow more awesome if we weren’t in those offices so much. We wonder if only we could keep them out of after school, or do four day weeks, or half days for preschool. But now, having done the four day weeks one year, and approaching the end of our second week with no after school care, I can say that more time rules, but it’s probably better if it goes along with less time elsewhere. Because this full time working, lots of time writing, and every afternoon with an exhausted kid isn’t always so awesome. Yes, there are lots of cute glimpses of our adventures on Instagram, but I need those. They’re a focus point for me when the day is not a good one to look at and say, well, at least that was fun/good/cute/fill in the blank.
I just wish I had thought a little harder about what this dream would look like all those times I wished I was with my kid while I was at work. I wish that dream included the looks from strangers when she’s hitting me or yelling in a coffee shop. I wish it included me losing my patience trying to get in the house with too many things to carry. I wish it included the 17 minutes of whining and crying to watch a show when we got home. I wish it included just how tired I would be from getting up too early and still having to stay up too late. I probably would’ve been a bit easier on myself for my schedule. I would’ve felt a bit less guilty. And maybe a little more thankful for those quiet afternoons in the office before the stressful nights of deadlines and dishes and baths and dinner and bedtime struggles. Maybe.