Voices of the Year

VOTY

 

Six weeks ago I got an email from my friend Alexandra. It said this, “I’m submitting your post to be considered for BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. Get ready to be a community keynote, Casey. xo.” I tried to convince her that I couldn’t do it. That it was too much. That I would be too invested and wouldn’t win and all that kind of ridiculousness. She wouldn’t listen to any of it. She submitted my post. She believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself.

Yesterday the winners were announced.

All day I clicked and refreshed, waiting for the announcement. I went between wanting it so bad and being so scared to want it so bad, terrified of the disappointment. Terrified that if I wanted it too much I would see not being chosen as a rejection. Rejection is scary. I thought about Brene Brown and her story of how her daughter tried out for something at school that she knew she probably wouldn’t get, but that the wanting it anyway, the ability to say out loud that you really want something and try for it, that is true courage. I wanted that. I wanted to let myself want it. So I clicked and refreshed.

Just after we put Roozle to bed, emails went out. Rejection emails. I got one of them saying that the post I submitted had been rejected. I didn’t realize that the emails were going to the people who submitted posts, not the actual people who wrote the posts. Of course. I had no idea that  Alexandra had an email in her inbox in that moment too. But hers was a little different.

I won.

At the end of the month I am headed to Chicago. I will meet Alexandra for the first time. I will be honored and celebrated for my work. I will honor and celebrate thousands of other women (and Neil) for the incredible, vulnerable, courageous work we do online each day.

Thank you all for reading and supporting and challenging and celebrating with me. Life totally rules.

 

Author: Casey

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